The Power of One Word

      With 2013 right around the corner I've been thinking about all that has occurred this past year. It has been a year of ups and downs, but it is by far one of the best years I have ever experienced. I have grown and transformed so much this year, I feel like an entirely different person.  About this time last year, I was at a really low point in my life--Tommy and I had been separated for almost 2 months and I was so unhappy, alone and in so much emotional pain that I didn't have much hope for 2012. However, like most people I still set new years resolutions: mainly to lose weight (this was an annual one for me).   I had read a daily devotional e-mail http://fcaresources.com/devotional/2011/12/21/just-one-word-part-1 about focusing on a one word theme for the new year.  The author writes:

"It has been my experience that God quickly reveals His plans for the year regarding your one-word. That word (be it a discipline, fruit of the Spirit, character trait, attribute of God or even the name of a person) will brand you for life! Every day, you'll be blessed as you experience God revealing to you powerful truth about your one-word theme. Everywhere you turn, there will be new insights and valuable lessons associated with that word."

       When I read this I thought coming up with a theme word was a great idea and it wasn't hard to figure out what my one word would be:  SPARKLE.  After Tommy had gotten out of prison and we were trying to rebuild our marriage, my friend Linda had told me several times that I had lost my sparkle. She could see I wasn't happy and that my life seemed to be unraveling.   I'm not sure why it affected me as much as it did but I have never forgotten her words and am so thankful for those conversations with Linda.

July

January

Summit Lake 5K-June

Mud Stash--September

November

October

 Red Nose Run--December

         As I searched for my SPARKLE this year I attempted and accomplished so many new things that I never ever thought I would be able to do. I started doing boot camps and running 5Ks. And who would have thought that I would be lifting weights. I know I never imagined I'd be able to do dead lifts and straight bar squats. Perhaps the biggest physical accomplishment this year has been Mud-Stash.  Being able to complete difficult obstacles made my confidence soar.  I also have so much more energy and have gotten healthier. I'm no longer pre-diabetic, my triglycerides went from 254 to 74  and my blood pressure medication has been cut in half. My body fat percentage did not even register in March so it was probably well over 50% and as of the end of November was at 40% and my BMI has gone from 52.4 to 34.8.  For the most part I have moved out of the plus size section (except jeans and slacks but I'll get there) and  trying on clothes is a lot more fun than it used to be.  There have been stumbles as well and I have had to dig really deep within to overcome my fears and insecurities.  I have had to face painful events from my past and determine that I will no longer be a victim. I am a survivor and my past will not define me or my self worth.
     I still have a long way to go on this journey but as 2012 is coming to close I started thinking about my theme word for 2013.  I'm not leaving SPARKLE behind, I think that word will always have special meaning for me.  (in fact I'm considering getting a tattoo of something signifying my journey and finding my SPARKLE but I need to find the perfect design--so if you are artistic and creative let me know!)   One of the things I have discovered this past year is that I love feeling strong--physically, mentally and emotionally. I have found a drive within myself to want to keep pushing myself to the next level.  So for 2013 I want to find ways to EMPOWER myself. I want to stop doubting my own strength and abilities. I want to move past the self-doubt and insecurity I still struggle with and push myself to meet new challenges and face my fears. I already know some of the challenges that I will be facing this year:

 1. Meeting with a group and talking about what has been working for me on my journey and sharing tips to help others on their journeys--I'll be doing this on Saturday 1/19/13 and public speaking scares me so it will be a challenge.
2. Complete a mini marathon (New Castle will be holding a mini on 4/6/13--anyone want to join me?)
3. Lose another 62 pounds to get to my goal weight of 160.
4. Continue competing in 5Ks--hoping to improve my time each time and be able to run the entire 3.1 miles without walking.
5. More Mud-Stash!!!
    I know there will be a lot more challenges that will surface including bumps in the road that I am determined to view as a challenge and not a struggle.   It has been a long time since I've been this excited about the start of a new year, such a big change from last year. I have also realized that throughout this next part of my journey it is important to me to help EMPOWER other people.  I never thought I ever had anything of value to offer others or that anyone would ever be interested in what I had to say, but my blog has had 1700 views and so many people have been asking me for advice or tips and have told me that my story is inspiring that I've started thinking maybe I really can make a difference. This coming year I want to use this blog not only to record my journey but to challenge others on their journey. My first challenge for you is to come up with just one word for your 2013 and to use that word throughout the year to start or continue your journey.

Reigniting My Spark

     The past couple of weeks have been difficult for me to stay focused on my goals--partly because of the hustle and bustle of the holidays.   But also I'm just in a funk.  That's the only way to describe it. I've gotten to the point where I'm not being consistent with my meals or my workouts.  I'm not writing down everything I eat especially on the weekends. Instead of getting to the gym 6 days a week I'm pushing to get in 4.  Consistency has been a key component of my success so far so why am I letting myself screw this up? Granted I have a busy schedule, but I've had a busy schedule during this entire process and I was able to control my eating plus made sure to get in all my workouts.  There is no question that I am a lot more confident and happy than I was before I started this journey.  I love feeling strong and proud of what I've accomplished.  So why am I now finding some of those thoughts of self doubt and dislike are coming back to the surface and extinguishing the spark I've worked so hard to get?  It is almost like I'm afraid to let myself be truly happy and love this new person I'm becoming. Perhaps it's fear of rejection, disappointing others and fear of being alone; or it could be feelings of guilt and selfishness for making this journey my priority. Whatever the reason,  I am so quick to berate myself and beat myself up for even the littlest of things.
     Lately during my training sessions, Kyle and I have had many discussions about this funk I'm in and how detrimental bashing myself is to not only my weight loss but more importantly how I feel about myself. I really think he needs to change his job title from personal trainer to life coach.  He has been so instrumental to me during this journey, I will never be able to thank him enough.  I would not have been this successful without all his help, support, encouragement and butt-kicking when needed--like now. He is helping me finally see that telling myself I'm ugly, fat, a failure, a bad mom/friend/person is holding me back and does nothing to empower me.   I'm not perfect and need to stop kicking myself for every little misstep I make.  This is a journey which means there are going to be ups and downs, I'm going to struggle at times and flourish other times.  I need to find a way to think about those struggles as challenges and not obstacles that are going to cause any progress I've made come to a stand still. I've written before how much things from my past have effected how I feel about myself which in turn caused me to use food and my weight as a shield--a protector against the pain. I was just living life going through the motions. Then with my marriage failing and my tendency to beat myself when I'm down,  I got to an all time low.  Last Christmas I was at a point in my life that I really didn't care if I was alive or not.  Toby was the only thing that kept me going and I hate to admit it but it still took a couple more months before I finally gathered enough courage to make a change. I had to really dig deep and find that pure desire to want to change. I had to acknowledge that I didn't want to live my life the way I had been for so many years.  I had to get rid of my shield--lose weight and stop seeking comfort in food.  Maybe if I had viewed those times as challenges instead of struggles I wouldn't have let myself get to 335 lbs or feel such self-hatred.
       I am realizing now that the things I have viewed as challenges--like the boot camps, 5Ks and Mud Stash--I found the drive and determination to overcome those challenges. And when I did, I felt empowered and happy. Those challenges have been a huge part in getting my sparkle back--those were the things that have given me self-confidence and strength.  What I viewed as struggles--getting away from my nutrition plan, telling myself I'm a bad mom, thinking no one could ever love someone like me, and so on--causes my sparkle to disintegrate.  I want to reignite that spark and no matter what obstacle comes my way, find the power within myself to tackle it like I have other challenges and not approach it like a struggle that I'm not going to win. I want to keep that spark going and live my life empowered and with a passion for being happy, fit, and self confident. I also want to find a way to help others ignite their own spark as everyone--including myself-- deserves to shine!
   

Visions of Sugar Plums....

      

      Remember the challenges on Biggest Loser where they make the contestants be in a room with tons and tons of trigger foods and if they give in to temptation they are usually rewarded with some kind of power to help them in the game?  The contestant has to choose whether they want the game play or be true to their nutritional game plan.  Well from October to January 1 we are in constant environment of temptation.
        It all starts with fall--bonfires with roasted hot dogs and s'mores and trips to the orchard. You would think going to the orchard would be great because apples are good for you....but not when what you are going for are caramel apples and can't forget about those warm and yummy applesauce donuts.  And then comes Halloween where there is an endless supply of candy.  We survive Halloween and before we know it Thanksgiving is here.  At least Thanksgiving is just one day, granted a day full of traditional dishes that are "must haves" in your family.   A day you know will be filled with turkey, dressing, green bean casserole, pies...and more pies.    For the most part, I did really well with the first round of the holiday temptations.   I stayed away from the Halloween candy and we tried a few healthier variations in our Thanksgiving menu.  Some turned out great others not so great.  Stacy made a wonderful buffalo turkey and I made a sweet potato dish with pecans.  Those turned out great, but every year one of the must haves for Toby and Stacy's daughter Jessica are deviled eggs.  I had the "brilliant" idea to use greek yogurt instead of mayo. I've been doing that for the last few months in a bunch of things I fix and everything had turned out really good.  Let me tell you, it doesn't work with deviled eggs!  At least I was smart enough to only do a few with the greek yogurt so I didn't have Jess and Toby really mad at me.
       The next round of temptation is in full swing--the Christmas Season.  I say season because it's not one day like Thanksgiving. It's a whole month of constant temptations. I noticed this week it's getting harder and harder for me to stick to my nutritional game plan. I guess you could say I have visions of sugar plums dancing in my head.  There are so many parties, lunches, special dinners, all day shopping trips, pitch-ins..the list goes on and on with events that will be loaded with food that is outside my plan of what I should be eating.  Today alone we had lunch provided for us at work plus this evening I had a Christmas party.  Pizza, cupcakes, cookies, punch.....I gave in to all those today.  Not to mention the past several nights where every evening was scheduled to the max and I inevitably picked up dinner at 9 or10pm.  I am not going to beat myself up about it. But this week was just the start of it. There are so many more events where I know I will be faced with all the yumminess of Christmas.  From the crab salad and caramel icebox cake at the hospital's annual employee Christmas party, our family Christmas with Snicker salad and fudge, to our traditional McDonald's coke and ice cream cone that we have as we drive around looking at Christmas lights after our church's Christmas Eve service--just about every holiday activity we do involves eating.
      I sound like all I think about at Christmas is food, but Christmas means a lot more to me than what goodies surround me.  I 'm just focusing on the food part because that's where I'm struggling right now.  I want to be able to enjoy and indulge in some--okay a lot---of these special treats.  But can I indulge conservatively so as not to derail months of hard work?  I didn't do a very good job of that this week. To make matters worse with my schedule this week my workouts have been short and have missed the past 2 days. It doesn't look good for tomorrow either. Okay, I need to remind myself that I said I wasn't going to beat myself up about it.  So now I need to figure out how I am going to handle myself the next time I'm surrounded by all the temptations around me.  The schedule for the next few weeks isn't much better than this weeks so I need to come up with a plan to get me through that lets me indulge without going completely off the wagon.  Is that even possible? I've already made one decision today...tomorrow is our Cookie Walk at church. We go every year and get one or two boxes of all different kinds of cookies.  I asked my mom if she would be terribly upset if we bypassed it this year. Luckily she agreed because tonight as I'm writing this I don't know if I have it in me to stay out of them if we did get some. I am a little worried about my self control now. I've done really good up to this point in standing strong that I can do without the tempting treats, but that is weakening a bit.  I know I'm not going to quit or give up on my goals. I've come too far and I still want to get into "one"derland hopefully by my birthday on January 15. However, I may be leaning on my "support team" more in the next few weeks and need some gentle nudging if you see me nibbling on a mini cupcake or if it's a big cupcake please knock it out of my hands!  Feel free to shake me and say what are you doing girl!  FOCUS!!  Don't forget your goals and most of all don't forget: 

Assessment #6: Did I do enough?

     At my last assessment a 12 week goal was set for me--get under 200lbs. That is my next big weight loss milestone and would mean needing to lose 16lbs at my assessment tonight. Sixteen pounds was the least amount I had lost at my other 5 assessments so achieving that was not really far-fetched.  I lost 9lbs and the first thing I said was it isn't 16.  Kyle assured me I had a great assessment, but I admit that nagging voice of insecurity was telling myself I failed and that I wasn't good enough. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous. I have come so far in a short time but I am a little disappointed in myself for not reaching my goal. Did I work hard enough?  Did I let myself slack too much with eating?  Why can't I just be happy for myself for having just lost weight?    I know some people will not understand why I'm disappointed with a 9lb loss. From the look on his face, I'm not even sure Kyle understood since most people would be happy with 9lbs.   But I guess when you have spent years beating yourself up for not being good enough and not being able to love yourself, it's easy to return to that negative self-talk.  Tonight showed me that even though my confidence has grown by leaps and bounds I still have a long way to go to completely accepting myself and being proud of myself in all that I have accomplished especially when I fall short of a goal.
     Usually during my assessments there is not time for a workout, but Kyle had me do the workout of the day which was timing how long it took to do 100 squats with a cling and press using 12.5 lb dumbbells.  Every 2 minutes you stop and do three burpees (burpees are basically jumping down into push up position and jumping back up).  I finished in 8:58 which was pretty good and he said something about at 335 lbs would I have ever thought I'd be able to do a burpee and now I was doing them without much difficulty. He's right. Those are the accomplishments I have been drawing my strength and confidence from-not the numbers on the scale. Before I left the gym tonight I went to the wall of success (or as I like to call it the Loser board) and looked at mine, perhaps as a way to put things back into perspective. 

"Thanks to the staff at ATF and especially my trainer Kyle Watson, I have discovered within myself a sense of strength, self-confidence and determination that I never knew I had. I now have the drive, motivation and belief in myself to keep conquering my goals." 

 I re-read my quote and felt myself tearing up.  113 pounds is a lot to be proud of so why was I once again beating myself up?  (So now I'm beating myself up for beating myself up) So after a hug at the gym and spending the evening talking--actually texting-- to my "support group" (thanks Jae, Stacy, Leah, Aunt Joni, Jill and Charles), I'm realizing I need to focus less on getting under 200 lbs and more on the path that is going to take me there.

Improving my balance

     My balance is horrible, in fact I've told Kyle several times it just plain sucks. He tells me it has gotten a lot better from when I first started, but I just don't see improvement. I'm as weebly wobbly as ever.  Lately however I have discovered that not only am I not going to be balancing myself across a tight rope any time soon,  I'm struggling balancing all the different roles in my life.

                   
      I'm finding myself feeling overwhelmed.   I'm sure it's a combination of lots of things--primarily lack of sleep and stress at work, but I find myself getting so tired and feeling all this weight pressing down on my shoulders. I'm sure we have all been there before; we have so many different roles every day, it's hard to juggle them all without dropping one every now and then.  I guess the trick is not letting them all drop at the same time.  I am trying to focus  mainly on losing weight and transforming my life, but I still have all these other roles that I deal with daily--mom, employee, daughter, friend and more. It would be nice if we could all be on a TV show like the Biggest Loser where the only job you have is to get fit and lose weight.  But that isn't the real world.
      First and foremost I'm a mom and at times I find myself feeling guilty for spending so much time focusing on myself and putting some of my needs and wants ahead of Toby.  I think that guilt is compounded because I am a single mom and it's pretty much always just been me and him. Since he was little, I have  overcompensated for the fact that his father wasn't around and have tried to be both mother and father to him.  Granted he's a teenager and doesn't need or want me around as much as he used to but I think sometimes he misses me always being home. I know he is really proud of me and is glad I have gotten healthier but sometimes he does complain about me not being as available as I used to be--usually the complaints come around dinner time when he's starving and I haven't fixed dinner yet because I was working out or when I didn't have the laundry done and he was looking for clothes. Speaking of laundry and dinner, I am definitely not juggling the household chores very well.   When Tommy and I separated I pretty much didn't have the energy or desire to do anything. I didn't care if the bed was made or if I dusted each week. I let the mail pile up and lost any organization I once had. Now that I do have more energy and I'm tired of my house being a mess, I feel totally overwhelmed and have no clue where to even begin. By the time I get home in the evenings, fix dinner, do dishes and get things ready for the next day, it's about time for bed or I'm too drained to do anything else.       
         I have worked so hard these past several months to find myself again---no actually, to find myself for the first time. It has taken me almost 37 years to start feeling happy in my own skin.  I have finally made myself & my well-being a priority. I spend a lot of time in the gym and I know that is time I could be getting other things done, but working out is an outlet for the stress and it's during that time that I've worked through a lot of my issues.  I honestly believe the progress I have made by working out has had a greater impact on finding myself than the weight loss itself. Losing weight is an awesome bonus, but it is in the workouts and Kyle pushing me that I have found confidence and strength. I have this drive now that I have never felt before. My mind will still tell me I can't do it but that no longer stops me. I will try and keep trying until I conquer it (remember the box jump). For instance, this past week at our final boot camp, Kyle had 2 people doing assisted pull ups instead of the seated ones we had all been doing the past 6 weeks. I told him at my training session that night, I wanted to get to where I could do a real pull up.  I love the fact that I am constantly wanting to improve and get a little further each time I workout. So cutting back on the time I'm spending at the gym and on this weight loss journey is not an option.
        I think we as women and mothers expect ourselves to be Wonder-Woman or Supermom. Able to do it all (and perfectly at that) and won't settle or expect anything less of ourselves. It isn't working for me anymore. Expecting myself to do it all and have it all together all the time is putting way too much pressure on myself.  I need to figure out a way to balance out all these roles or at least come up with a plan to keep me from feeling so overwhelmed.  I'm a list person but tend to think I can accomplish a lot more in a day or weekend than I really can. Inevitably I end up beating myself up for not being able to do enough (imagine that--me beating myself up over something!)  I'm working on breaking that cycle and be happy with whatever I do get accomplished instead of thinking of all those things that I did not, but I struggle with that.   Sometimes I feel like a hamster trying to keep up with the wheel that occasionally throws you upside down on your ass. 

      I need to focus on getting just one thing done each day outside of my daily tasks.  Gradually that one thing a day will add up to where I can start seeing progress  (yes, Jae I was listening lol--and if anyone else has any suggestions please share!).  Just like my weight loss, it is not going to happen overnight. I took step after step to get to where I am now. I just need to apply that process to the other roles in my life.  Finding the balance I want in my life is going to be a process. I'm finally ready to take that first step.
 
   

Perks, Breakthroughs and Little Embarrassments

      As the weight is coming off I am often amazed how much I am changing mentally and physically. I am not the same person I was when I started my journey in March.   I have grown so much these past few months and I feel like I am getting my sparkle back.  In fact this past Friday I had what I consider to be a major breakthrough for me.....I looked in the mirror before going to work and thought I looked pretty.  I have NEVER thought that before.  I actually liked what I saw looking back at me. When I started this journey I hated myself and had for a long long time. Honestly sometimes I wondered if that would change even after losing weight.  I had always considered myself ugly and disgusting and I had absolutely no self-confidence.  For me to actually think I looked pretty, even for one day is a huge breakthrough.  Once I got to work I had to e-mail Jenn and Stacy to share my moment with them, bringing them both to tears. They  know how much I have struggled with feeling ugly and unworthy and I think for them to see me overcoming that is probably as emotional for them as it is for me. I am holding my head higher and have noticed I'm making eye contact now when walking by someone. Normally I would walk looking down at the floor--I guess thinking if I didn't make eye contact with people then they wouldn't notice me and see how hideous I was.   Now I don't want to remain invisible to others.
       My body is physically changing as the weight is coming off. I never thought I'd be so excited about bones and muscles. My arms are getting some definition and although you won't find me flexing in the mirrors at the gym, I admit I have in front of my bathroom mirror. In an earlier blog I wrote about constantly wrapping my hand around my wrist because my fingers and thumb would now touch. Well that has been replaced by my collarbone. Yes I know it's always been there but I've never been able to see or feel it before. Although I cannot see my rib cage, I can now feel it. And an added bonus-- if I ever need CPR whoever is trying to save my life can find my sternum! Speaking of the sternum area...(WARNING:  this part may be a little TMI for some so if you don't want to read about my boobs skip to the next paragraph!) my bras keep getting bigger and bigger--or I guess I should say my boobs keep getting smaller. My mom likes to point out just how much smaller they are getting.  It never fails, we will be in the van going somewhere and out of the blue she will look over (and sometimes reach over) and point out how much smaller they are.  Not so embarrassing for me, but it really gets on Toby's nerves if he's in the van.  I did have an embarrassing moment though in Wal-mart.  I stopped to talk to my aunt who works there when loudly in the middle of the aisle she said "wow, you are losing your boobs!"  That did make me a little self-conscious and want to shrink into the floor.  There are "perks" though to them getting smaller.  My back pain is gone which is a major plus.  And for all those larger chested women reading this you will know what I mean by this, when I lie down I'm no longer flat chested.  They don't fall over to my armpits anymore so I guess all those upper body exercises are making me a little perkier!    (Okay, I swear I'm done talking about boobs now!)
       There is one other physical change that does make me pretty self-conscious--the sound of my flabby skin smacking when I'm running or doing some exercises.  I'll never forget one of the first times I heard it, it was during the first boot camp I did and I believe we were skipping or doing high knees and *SMACK*.  I wasn't the only one that heard it, Kyle thought it was my knee or hip popping.  Nope, it was my flab hitting flab.  It is happening more frequently now and I try to not let it bother me, but it is rather embarrassing and I am self-conscious about it.   I will just have to live with it and as I lose more and the skin becomes loser it will probably happen more frequently.
       I had another breakthrough this weekend as well.  During boot camp we have been doing box jumps on Thursdays.  A box jump sounds really simple.  You jump up on this with both feet at the same time (and see the larger ones to the left---I've seen people actually jump on those too--I'm in total awe when I see that!): 

 I could not do a box jump. I could not do it on a regular step either.  Just something about lifting both feet off the ground at the same time just did not comprehend with me. So on the weekends when Stacy and I are working out I practice because there are very few people there early in the mornings so if I go splat not too many will see me.  I did get to where I could jump on the step platform and with one set of risers--except during boot camp. I don't know if it's because we do these TRX squat muscle up thingies beforehand and I'm tired or if it's because everything is timed and we are trying to beat our time from the previous week.  So it has become a goal of mine to conquer the box jump and this past Saturday I really focused on this during my time at the gym. I don't know how many times I would start to jump then just stop.  I had this mental block that just will not let my brain tell my legs to jump. The new physical trainer manager, Drew had come in to work while I was struggling with getting my feet off the floor.  He suggested I stand beside the box and just jump so I could see that I would clear it. My feet would land on the floor and not the platform so it would take some of the fear out of it.  I could do that but still I couldn't get both feet up on the platform....but I kept trying and finally--success!!  WOO-HOO!!

        I'm learning to embrace all of these "perks", breakthroughs and even the embarrassments during my journey.  Kyle mentioned during my training session today that I should start keeping a list of all these little (and big) successes to keep as a reminder how far I've come. He talked about when I first started and had to take breaks pulling the tire around the building and now to look back on that moment, I know I can easily do that and so much more.  I'm recording those moments in this blog, but he's right I should start a running list of dates and accomplishments perhaps I'll even record those little embarrassments too--just for future laughs. One day I'll look back (maybe as I'm doing box jumps on the great big platform) and think that wasn't so hard.
 

Fifth Assessment: almost 8 months on this journey

      The moment was here....had I done enough in the past 6 weeks to reach the 14 pound goal that would bring my total weight loss to 100 lbs?  Triple digits...I never thought I would be even close to being able to say I've lost 100 pounds. I had warned Kyle that I would probably cry either way the scale went...if it was below 14lbs I'd be disappointed.  I would try to remind myself that any loss was a loss and I should be proud of that, but it would have been difficult.  If I reached 14 then I knew I would more than likely want to cry but it would be happy tears.  235 was the magic number......and I was at 231!!  I did it!!  I have lost 104 pounds!!  I cannot even begin to explain all that was going through my mind.  I fought back the tears because I didn't want to cry in front of my trainer and everyone else in the gym at the time,  now that I think about it what would it have mattered if I did shed a few tears.  It feels so good to be able to say I am PROUD of myself. I have worked hard, had ups and downs and am learning to celebrate the ups and fight through the downs.

January 2012

October 17, 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 I know I have posted the January 2012 picture in a previous blog but I was looking back through some of my entries and saw this picture.  I don't even recognize myself.  It's funny though, I don't really recognize the girl on the right yet either.   That's okay though, I like her a lot better than who I was in January even if I'm still trying to figure her out.

     My next big goal is to reach "one"derland.  It still amazes me to think that is definitely a possibility now.  I imagine I haven't been under 200 lbs since elementary school. I know in fifth grade I would come home crying almost every day because I was smart and fat so I was the fat ass teacher's pet, so if I wasn't over 200 lbs then I was certainly close.  I admit I was a little intimidated when Kyle told he wants me to reach "one"derland in the next 12 weeks.  My first thought was uh...Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner.  But I'm going to go for it.  I'll just have to figure out what my must haves are for each holiday and let myself have a little (okay--I already know chocolate covered cherries and white fudge oreos--I'll just only buy one box of each instead of 5 or 6 and hide it from the other 2 in the house so I can actually have some of it).  I will make sure my workouts are a priority and be smart about the majority of my meals.  

    The other goal Kyle set for me is going to be a big challenge for me.  He wants me to do a presentation/talk with other people about what I'm eating, how I track and stay relatively consistent.  I love to write but public speaking on the other hand is not something I am good at.  When I'm writing I'm sitting at my computer in my pjs not in front of others watching me.  But one of the things I wanted to do when I started this journey was to hopefully inspire others to start their own journeys. Perhaps this is a way to help someone else know that success is possible even with all the ups and downs and the days when you either want to crawl back in bed or eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream (or both at the same time).

    I saw this quote today when I logged into facebook and I think it really shows where I am right now on my journey:

 

I'm not completely there yet but I've taken such huge steps, a little off balance at times but still moving forward.