My body is physically changing as the weight is coming off. I never thought I'd be so excited about bones and muscles. My arms are getting some definition and although you won't find me flexing in the mirrors at the gym, I admit I have in front of my bathroom mirror. In an earlier blog I wrote about constantly wrapping my hand around my wrist because my fingers and thumb would now touch. Well that has been replaced by my collarbone. Yes I know it's always been there but I've never been able to see or feel it before. Although I cannot see my rib cage, I can now feel it. And an added bonus-- if I ever need CPR whoever is trying to save my life can find my sternum! Speaking of the sternum area...(WARNING: this part may be a little TMI for some so if you don't want to read about my boobs skip to the next paragraph!) my bras keep getting bigger and bigger--or I guess I should say my boobs keep getting smaller. My mom likes to point out just how much smaller they are getting. It never fails, we will be in the van going somewhere and out of the blue she will look over (and sometimes reach over) and point out how much smaller they are. Not so embarrassing for me, but it really gets on Toby's nerves if he's in the van. I did have an embarrassing moment though in Wal-mart. I stopped to talk to my aunt who works there when loudly in the middle of the aisle she said "wow, you are losing your boobs!" That did make me a little self-conscious and want to shrink into the floor. There are "perks" though to them getting smaller. My back pain is gone which is a major plus. And for all those larger chested women reading this you will know what I mean by this, when I lie down I'm no longer flat chested. They don't fall over to my armpits anymore so I guess all those upper body exercises are making me a little perkier! (Okay, I swear I'm done talking about boobs now!)
There is one other physical change that does make me pretty self-conscious--the sound of my flabby skin smacking when I'm running or doing some exercises. I'll never forget one of the first times I heard it, it was during the first boot camp I did and I believe we were skipping or doing high knees and *SMACK*. I wasn't the only one that heard it, Kyle thought it was my knee or hip popping. Nope, it was my flab hitting flab. It is happening more frequently now and I try to not let it bother me, but it is rather embarrassing and I am self-conscious about it. I will just have to live with it and as I lose more and the skin becomes loser it will probably happen more frequently.
I had another breakthrough this weekend as well. During boot camp we have been doing box jumps on Thursdays. A box jump sounds really simple. You jump up on this with both feet at the same time (and see the larger ones to the left---I've seen people actually jump on those too--I'm in total awe when I see that!):
I could not do a box jump. I could not do it on a regular step either. Just something about lifting both feet off the ground at the same time just did not comprehend with me. So on the weekends when Stacy and I are working out I practice because there are very few people there early in the mornings so if I go splat not too many will see me. I did get to where I could jump on the step platform and with one set of risers--except during boot camp. I don't know if it's because we do these TRX squat muscle up thingies beforehand and I'm tired or if it's because everything is timed and we are trying to beat our time from the previous week. So it has become a goal of mine to conquer the box jump and this past Saturday I really focused on this during my time at the gym. I don't know how many times I would start to jump then just stop. I had this mental block that just will not let my brain tell my legs to jump. The new physical trainer manager, Drew had come in to work while I was struggling with getting my feet off the floor. He suggested I stand beside the box and just jump so I could see that I would clear it. My feet would land on the floor and not the platform so it would take some of the fear out of it. I could do that but still I couldn't get both feet up on the platform....but I kept trying and finally--success!! WOO-HOO!!
I'm learning to embrace all of these "perks", breakthroughs and even the embarrassments during my journey. Kyle mentioned during my training session today that I should start keeping a list of all these little (and big) successes to keep as a reminder how far I've come. He talked about when I first started and had to take breaks pulling the tire around the building and now to look back on that moment, I know I can easily do that and so much more. I'm recording those moments in this blog, but he's right I should start a running list of dates and accomplishments perhaps I'll even record those little embarrassments too--just for future laughs. One day I'll look back (maybe as I'm doing box jumps on the great big platform) and think that wasn't so hard.
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