Mud-Stash 5/11/13: Because I Can

   
 

Love my blue tutu

  Several people have asked me why in the world would I want to spend my Saturday climbing ropes, walking (and lots of falling) in mud, getting stuck in mud pits, getting so dirty that you just throw your clothes away instead of trying to wash them, not to mention the scrapes, bruises and sore muscles.  In fact someone today saw the cut on my leg and asked why I would put my body through such strenuous things....my reply was quick and simple...."Because I can."   I spent so many years telling myself I can't.  I can't lose weight. I can't drive. I can't be pretty. I can't run. I can't be alone.  I can't (on and on and on) because I'm ________ (insert fat, weak, a failure, ugly, unworthy, unlovable--you get the picture).  If my first Mud-Stash last September taught me anything is that I CAN.   I CAN face these huge obstacles and figure out how to overcome them. Even if I don't quite conquer them at the time, I make it a goal for the next time.  I CAN push myself to do better than the time before. I CAN act crazy and silly and not worry about what other people think. I CAN accomplish these amazing things because I have learned to believe in myself and push my mind and body beyond what I ever thought I was capable of. 

           Participating in Mud-Stash this time was so different than in September. The excitement far outweighed the fear and I could tell a huge difference in my stamina and strength.  I also noticed that my balance no longer sucks (or at least not as sucky!)! It's not the greatest but it's a lot better than it was. Sure I fell a lot but I also kept myself from falling a lot more this time. I even threw in some zumba arm moves as I was slipping and sliding and actually regained balance (Zumba Lew would be proud!).  The biggest fear I encountered this time was crossing platforms floating in the water.

I can't swim (that's on my list to turn into an I CAN this summer) and am afraid of deep water....even though I knew this wasn't deep just the thought of falling in and not being able to pull myself back up on the platform was scary. I made it across but was on the very last one before I went completely on my own without reaching  for someone's hand for help.

The Second Wall

        A new obstacle this time were 2 wooden walls to climb over. The first was about half the size of the second. There was very little to hold on to and just small wooden ledges that barely held the side of your foot enough to where you could push yourself up. I was able to make it up and over the smaller wall and was leary about even trying the second one.  Even though I'm right around 200lbs sometimes my mind does revert back to thinking like I'm still 335lbs--questioning whether the wall would be strong enough to hold me.  But I wasn't going to go around it. I would try and if I couldn't quite conquer it then that would go on my goal list for the next time I do Mud-Stash.  But with a little help I did get up and over the second wall.  There wasn't really anything to hold on to as you came down the other side so I pretty much slid down the wall.  I made it down in one piece but I did take out one of my teammates (sorry Kim). She did survive.
       The monkey bars are still on my "to conquer" list for this coming September. It's definitely something I am going to start working on now. I at least attempted them this time, but wasn't able to move forward any. So I held on for a few seconds and dropped down into the mud.
 
    Another highlight this time was that I was actually able to help other people. One of my fears the first Mud-Stash was about me holding my team back and being to slow.  So many of my teammates stayed back and completed the entire course with me. That was such an awesome feeling knowing that these people who were in a lot better shape than I was cared about whether I was able to complete the course and stayed back to help me.  So there was not any question in my mind that I was going to do whatever I could to help anyone finish the course.

Up the cargo net

          

Ice Pit

Last September stuck in the mud

The biggest goal I had for Mud-Stash this time was to make it through the mud pit without getting stuck and having Kyle, Mason, Dale and some other big guy basically lifting me out of the pit. I was completely spent by the time I had gotten to this point last September and as soon as I couldn't move (in the mud pit from hell as I like to call it), all those feelings of self-conscious fear and insecurity were running through my head.  I had fought back tears because I was the fat girl stuck in the mud too weak to stand on her own two feet.   

   
As I was approaching the mud pit this time I did have a moment hesitation wondering if I could get through it on my own.  It was just a moment though. I knew that no matter how hard I had to push myself I was going to get through that pit. 

I think I can...I think I can

I know I can

 While I was going through I did hear a couple people yelling my name which felt completely awesome. They knew what this moment meant for me in my journey-- that I am determined to overcome all the fears that had held me back in the past--that I have gained not only physical strength but an inner strength that is transforming me into this strong, confident person that knows that I CAN make and achieve my goals.  At the end of the pit Dale was there with a great big hug and he told me how proud he was of me. That meant a lot to me. I wish Kyle and Mason were there as well to celebrate that special moment with me.  Tears were coming this time too....not tears from being self conscious and afraid...but tears from feeling empowered...tears of being a Sparkle Warrior.

The last obstacle

Woo-hoo! We did it!!

One of the best things about Mud-Stash is how everyone bands together to help each other finish the course. It isn't about how fast you can get through the obstacles or what your time is when you are done....what it IS about is pushing yourself and not stopping until you and everyone else on your team crosses that finish line with you.   It's about making sure that each and every one of us CAN overcome whatever obstacles are put before us...whether it's a mud obstacle course or life's struggles...and that we need to band together as a family to help each other succeed.

WE   CAN.....AND WE  DID