"I am more than the number on the scale."

     "I am more than the number on the scale." "I am more than the number on the scale." "I am more than the number on the scale." "I am more than the number on the scale." "I am more than the number on the scale."   

      I admit I've become a little obsessive with what the scale says and let it dictate whether I feel like a success or failure.  Maybe I shouldn't say I've become a little obsessive but rather I have always been OVERLY obsessive with my weight. I'm surprised my trainers haven't made me write "I am more than the number on the scale" 100 times on the chalkboard, but then again they kick my butt in the gym which gets much better results--and making me sweat and sore probably gives them greater satisfaction than what a hand cramp writing would do. 
       I hit a rough patch that was turning into a downward spiral of binges and self-defeating thoughts so I knew when I weighed in this week I had gained. I knew it could very well be back over 200 pounds and it was.  I did get upset and tried to fight back tears but I think it was the blow I needed to regroup and focus on my next step.  Even though I had wavered and at times questioned myself as to whether I was giving up, I'm a fighter and I'm determined to continue my life-changing transformation.  But I need to teach myself to approach my goals differently. I need to stop worrying about whether or not I'm over or under 200lbs. If I eat right and work out hard I will continue to get healthier, fitter, happier and more sparkly.  In order to do that I need to really focus on my achievements and successes I have had on this journey that have nothing to do with what the scale says.

 

  I will be repeating one of my biggest achievements this Saturday, May 11:  MUD-STASH!!  Last September I ran my first 5K obstacle course through lots and lots of mud.  I was terrified from before I had signed up for Mud-Stash until the time we crossed the starting line.  This time is completely different for me. I cannot wait until Saturday and am so excited to see how much stronger I have become in the months since my first Mud-Stash.   It was the hardest physical thing I had ever done and my confidence grew tremendously after I conquered this challenge. 

I was quite surprised how well I did do in September. The only obstacle I skipped was the monkey bars. I did need help with some of the other obstacles like the mud pit (or as I like to call it the cement pit or the mud pit from hell), but I'm hoping this time to be more of a help to others. We have lots of newbies going and I hope I can help them like people helped me when I was the newbie.  My biggest goal for Mud-Stash this year....make it all the way through the mud pit.  By the time the 4 big muscular guys dug me out of the pit, I was so exhausted, I didn't have enough energy left to keep going through the pit.   Even though I struggled I didn't give up. And I'm not giving up now.  I wasn't thinking about what my weight was while I was at Mud-Stash,  I was not telling myself I couldn't do it because I was over 200lbs, but rather I was thinking wow, I've never felt this strong before.

Training for May's Mud-Stash

      I will be going into Mud-Stash without fear. I have transformed a lot since last September and have never been healthier or stronger.   I know I'm going to kick ass on the obstacles! I am determined to break free from the hold the scale (and food) has on me, and focusing on accomplishments like Mud-Stash will help me do just that. Like anything on this journey it isn't going to happen overnight and at times it may not be easy, but I believe in myself like never before and will overcome whatever challenge    presents itself!!  I've got this!