I Have Arrived!!

          Almost three weeks ago I started the "clean" eating plan Kyle gave me to try to get my mind and focus back on my goals. I had been struggling with my eating and was beating myself up for gaining 3 pounds. I was now at 208lbs, 38% body fat and BMI was 32.6.  OnEderland was a little further away which was discouraging, however it sparked me enough to get back on board.  I promised to strictly follow the plan and I did (well except for last weekend, I had cut up a pineapple for Toby and had some of that. I'd already had my fruit for the day so more fruit wasn't allowed--BUT at least it wasn't a piece of Pizza King pizza or Lee's Famous Recipe chicken that keeps magically appearing at my house.    The plan really wasn't too hard to stick to, in fact I feel like I've been eating constantly and have been able to mix it up enough with different spices that it hasn't gotten boring for me. 
          During this three week time my training and working out has also changed.  Kyle moved on to the new Anytime Fitness in Greenfield and Megan Malloy stepped in as my New Castle trainer.  I admit when I first found out in January (on my birthday) that he was leaving I was devastated. I probably cried for 2 days.  He had helped me so much I was scared I wouldn't be able to do it on my own. That I didn't have enough inner strength to keep pushing myself.   It took me a while to realize I HAD been doing it on my own--of course with help and guidance from him and others, but it has been ME who has literally been sweating my ass off in the gym, controlling what goes into my mouth and sorting through all the emotional baggage that had collected for 37 years. Change is difficult but I am excited now to be working with Megan as my  trainer and thanks to my friend and fellow workout beast Debbie, I will also be able to go to Greenfield to workout with Kyle once a week. I've also added a zumba class into the mix, will be starting up again with 5Ks (first one this year will be next weekend to benefit Special Olympics) and hope to start boxing soon. I definitely want to keep weightlifting which I absolutely love but it is going to be fun mixing things up. I've really liked my 2 training sessions with Megan this week and know she will be a great person to have on my journey with me!
                I met with Kyle in Greenfield for my assessment and to see if the past 3 weeks of clean eating were successful.   I had already decided if I wasn't under 200lbs this time then he was going to be weighing me weekly until I was, but I felt really good about this weigh in.  So I closed my eyes and stepped on the scale.........

WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!! I DID IT!! I MADE IT TO ONEDERLAND!!

I'm at 199.2 with 36% body fat, BMI of 31.2 and down another 4.75inches!!!  In 3 weeks I lost 9lbs and 2% body fat!  And to top it all off this girl did a 5:12 minute plank!  I remember when I could barely hold a plank for 20-30 seconds. Of course anyone who knows me knows I got teary eyed and shaky but if I cried it would have been from pure joy. I don't even remember the last time I was under 200lbs--probably 5th or 6th grade. Let me digress for a second--fifth grade was tough, I would cry every day as soon as I got home because of being made fun of by kids in my class because of my weight. Oh if they could only see me now! I don't think I have stopped smiling since seeing that magic number. I feel so proud of myself and feel like I'm ready to take on the world. I FEEL EMPOWERED!!!! 

Feeling like Wonder Woman!! 

I think it's safe to say that this was a great and proud moment for us both!

  

I've reached so many milestones in the year and one week since I started my journey. And the milestones and breakthroughs will continue as I start the next chapter of my journey. All the sacrifices, tears and low points have all had to happen for one reason--to help get me to where I am now.  While working out a couple of weeks ago  I looked at my reflection which is something I had always avoided.  I really looked at the new me and truly saw how much I have changed. I saw a curvy, beautiful, healthy, and strong woman. No longer did I see an ugly and worthless fat girl full of fear and insecurity looking back at me. That girl is gone, never to return.  This is the new, improved and SPARKLY me and nothing is going to hold me back now. I have arrived and this girl is on fire!




         

Time To Clean My Plate

        The last 3 weeks I have been so down on Mondays and Tuesdays because of the horrible weekend eating pitfall I wrote about last weekend. I'm digging myself out of that pit and I can say without a doubt I will not be beating myself up the beginning of this week. When I met with Kyle for my training session on Monday he did look at my food journal and he also weighed me. I was up 3 pounds which needless to say really made me angry with myself.  Instead of picking myself up, brushing off and taking the next step, that kick her when she's down mentality came into play and boy did I kick myself hard. Why do I get so close to a goal or milestone and do something to screw it up or make it harder? I want to get under 200 lbs and enter onderland but I was sabotaging myself--starting to take steps backward instead of forward. I felt I was not only letting myself down but my trainer and everyone else who has been supporting me.  I started feeling worse when Kyle gave me a "clean" meal plan to follow for the next 3 weeks (more about that in a few minutes). He wanted me to strictly follow it for 3 weeks until it was time for my next assessment. It had been a long time since I had that feeling of just wanting to get out of the gym so I could break down into tears. I remember one of my first sessions with Kyle to go over my workout plan, after he had shown me what I was to do he had asked if I was going to stay and do the workout that evening.  I flat out lied--I said I didn't have time I had to be somewhere.....what really was happening? I didn't want to burst out into tears in front of him because I didn't think I could do this and was wondering what in the hell had I gotten myself into. I was going to fail.  That was how I felt this past Monday night when he gave me the new food plan.  After he went over the plan he wanted to go ahead and get a training session in but he knew I wasn't in the right mindset. so he told me to go do 10 minutes cardio then come back.  I went to the movie room where I could run on the treadmill in the dark, kick myself a little harder and let the tears flow.
      Ten minutes later I went to find Kyle to finish my session. I figured we would do weights like we normally did. Mondays are chest, shoulder and tricep day but instead I followed him outside behind the gym as he brought the tire out for me to pull. Here's a little background about me and the tire---Shortly after I had started working with him he had me pull the tire for the first time. It was slow walking the 1/4 mile around the building, arms through yellow straps attached to the tire by this long heavy chain. I remember having to pretty much stop at every corner of the building to rest and catch my breath.  No matter how long it took me or how self conscious I was about being 300+ lbs out in public where people were going in and out of the nearby stores, when I was done I felt so proud. It was one of the first times I felt strong, so I guess you could say the tire has had special meaning to me on my journey. I would even ask on different occasions if I could pull the tire during a session. It was fitting that he brought it out now almost a year later to help get my mind back where it needed to be....focused on my goals and what actions I needed to take to get me there and not to dwell on the missteps along the way.  Only this time I wasn't going to drag it around the building walking....I had to jog while pulling it along behind me. Every time I started to stop he was there telling me not to stop, to keep going. After I got all the way around to where I had started, I couldn't breathe. Yes I was physically tired but I think mostly it was purely emotional.  No matter how weak or angry at myself I had felt beforehand, I accomplished the task set before me. I needed that reminder that I am strong and determined. So if I can be strong and determined in my workouts then I can be strong and determined with my nutrition as well.  I struggle with emotional eating...hell I struggle with food in general. It was my crutch and comfort for so many years and realistically is probably something I will deal with the rest of my life.  But I am strong enough to keep going forward. I will reach my onderland goal and am planning on meeting that goal in 2 more weeks. I just have to keep reminding myself of all those woo-hoo moments and victories I have felt in the past year. Those moments far outweigh the tough times. I'm not going to let myself go back to the old me. I like the SPARKLY me too much to let that happen.
      Now on to the actual food plan. It's a lot "cleaner" than how I had been eating even before slipping up the past few weeks.  I had great success with what I had been doing for much of the past year, but like Kyle told me many times there would come a time that I would have to change it up and eat clean if I wanted to continue to keep on the pace I was on towards my goal weight and fat percentage. That time is now and I am committed to following this for as long as it takes.

 My "clean" plate plan via Kyle Watson:

Breakfast:  2 egg whites, 1 egg, 2 oz Canadian bacon and 1/2 c plain oatmeal (can add cinnamon and/or splenda but can't use the packets or put fruit in like I normally do).

Lunch:  3-5 oz lean protein (boneless/skinless chicken breast, fish, extra lean ground beef or turkey, etc)
1/2 c rice
1 1/2 c salad (I use spring salad mix, cucumbers, grape tomatoes and 2 tbsp fat free Italian dressing)

Meal #3:  can of tuna

Post Workout Meal: 2 scoops protein powder with water, piece of fruit

Dinner:  5 oz lean protein
1 medium baked potato (can use white or sweet potato)
1 c of green beans, broccoli, asparagus, carrots or squash

  The daily calories this past week have ranged from 1420-1525 with protein in the 42%-45% range, carbs 35%-40% and fats 17%-20%.   I have probably asked Kyle 20 or more questions about this since I started so here's a quick run down of do's and don'ts.   With this plan I can: make substitutions from an approved list, I can pick any kind of fruit, if I don't work out then the post workout meal becomes a pre-bed meal, tuna pouches are okay (I had to check to make sure the ingredients were the same and they were so I'm sticking to my no drain pouches), can use hot sauce, spices and onion.   Now for the don'ts:  the hardest---NO DAIRY---my love for Greek yogurt is a no-no right now, no bread or pasta, cannot use EVOO or Pam, no eating out including the cafeteria at work and my weekend diet cherry vanilla coke is an absolute don't.   After following this for almost a week I am pleasantly surprised that I like it. I have been able to change up lunch and dinner trying different combinations and using a bunch of different spices. I have felt full and even a couple days felt stuffed and had to force myself to eat everything. I'm not eating any more calories than what I had been but eating like this has kept me fuller longer.  Meal planning is a lot easier. I spent time this weekend grilling chicken, cooking ground beef and turkey, boiling eggs and measuring out portions of oatmeal and protein powder.  I have not strayed at all. I even took my own food to a friend's house where a group of us were meeting for dinner. They had baked pasta, garlic cheese bread, salad (my contribution), cookies and brownies...I had my rice, grilled chicken and salad. And I was okay with it--I was focused on spending time with my friends and not on what food I was missing out on. 
       I think following this plan for the next two weeks will get me to onderland. And I can see myself following it longer term.  I'm focused on eating cleaner and working out harder. I want this....I want it bad...and I'm going to get there.

Weekend Eating Pitfall

    The past three weekends I have really struggled with my eating on the weekends. It started with a binge I went on which resulted in me feeling guilty and beating myself up like I too often do. The following weekend I didn't binge but still didn't eat right. The first part of this week I was extremely down--feeling like a failure and for some reason feeling really vulnerable.   All those feelings of fear and insecurity kept creeping back in (will write more about that in another post). I've been as open and honest as I can be throughout my journey but admit I am getting lax about writing everything down that I eat (primarily on the weekends). I want to reach my goals and want to be in onederland at my next assessment but if I keep slipping up on my eating habits then that isn't going to help me get to where I want to be. So as this weekend got closer I was getting a little leery about how I would do. I talked to Kyle about it and he is going to look at my food journal on Monday but also he wanted me to post my food journal. First thought was ummm.....NO, but here I am getting ready to post it.  All along one of the key things that has helped me lose 130lbs is accountability. So for the next 4 weekends I am going to record everything I eat and drink and post it on here where anyone who wants to can see. SCARY!!  I just wish I had made up my mind I was going to post it before I ate like crap this weekend! But I guess that's the whole point.   So here goes nothing:

First a little explanation of my schedule this weekend. I attended a scrapbooking event from Friday 7pm-midnight and Saturday 9am-midnight. Our table was in the kitchen and surrounded by snacks so the majority of the weekend I was in the Biggest Loser temptation room.  But I know it's up to me what goes into my mouth and what stays out. I just didn't do that great with keeping stuff out.

And I might as well put in that my daily nutrition goals are 1500 cal, 40% protein, 40% carbs, 20% fats and drink128 oz water


Friday, March 8
Breakfast (6:15am): 1 egg, 1 slice bacon, 1 slice reduced fat pepper jack cheese, hot chocolate (my hot chocolate is 8oz skim milk with 3 spoonfuls chocolate and 1 spoonful vanilla protein powder)
Lunch (11:50am): (Pitch in at work for co-worker): 14 baked scoops, about 1/4 c each black bean and corn salsa and mexican dip, small piece mexican crescent roll ring (about 1/2 crescent roll with ground beef, taco seasoning and shredded cheese), 8 grapes
Snack (3pm): 13 Special K Southwestern ranch crackers with 1 100 cal tuna salad pouch
Dinner (8pm): 1 slice Papa John's pepperoni pizza, salad with fat free Italian dressing, 8 cheddar cheese mini rice cakes, 44oz Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke, 2 chocolate chip walnut cookies,
Snack (throughout the rest of the evening): 1 slice Papa John's pepperoni pizza, split small piece of yellow cake (approx 1"x2") with lemon icing with Stacy. 2 mini kit kats

Total calories: 2005
Protein 21.2%, Carbs 44.3% Fats 34.5% water 128 oz

Saturday, March 9
Breakfast (9:20am): light strawberry greek yogurt with 1/4 c fruit and nut trail mix (I didn't touch the Jacks donuts that were brought in)
Lunch (1:30pm): 2 slices turkey and 2 slices ham on 2 slices wheat bread with swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato and mustard, about 2 tbsp chicken salad, tostitos, brownie
Dinner (7pm): 1 c chili w/oyster crackers, brownie, 44 oz Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke
Snacks (throughout the day: hopefully I didn't miss anything but I did a lot of grazing): small piece cake, probably about 1 to 1/2 cup tex mex chex mix, 5 mini kit kat bars, brownie,  about 1 oz cheese and 6 crackers

Total calories: 2244
 Protein 17.3%, Carbs 52.6% Fat 30.1% water 96 oz

Sunday, March 10
Breakfast (11am): Fiber plus mixed nut protein bar, apple (slept until after 10:30 and was needing something quick before heading to the gym)
Snack (1pm): 1/4 cup trail mix
Lunch (3pm): flatbread pizza, 44 oz Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke
Dinner (8pm): 6oz Tyson grilled and ready chicken breast on 2 sl 35 cal wheat bread with 1 slice reduced fat pepper jack cheese and plain greek yogurt instead of mayo, mixed green salad with cucumber, tomato, sprinkle of shredded cheese and turkey bacon bits, 2 tbsp fat free zesty Italian dressing
Snack (10pm):  was getting Toby a bowl of strawberry ice cream and had a spoonful. Wanted more so instead I got a bowl of my frozen Greek yogurt (Yoplait 100 cal lemon greek yogurt with 1 scoop vanilla protein powder) 

Total calories:  1423
Protein 33.5%, Carbs 41.4%, Fat 25.1%  water 64 oz  

There it is: my third weekend of eating like crap.  I'm going to try my best not to get down about it or beat myself up.  I just need to work harder next weekend to do better.  Okay I'm going to hit publish before I chicken out.