My First 5K: 7/28/12

     When my cousin, Stacy and I first started at Anytime Fitness in March we talked about wanting to try to do a 5K this summer. To some a 5K may seem like no big deal, but to me it was huge.  At the time I could barely do a mile so the thought of trying 3.1 miles was daunting.   Last week we signed up for the 5K at the Summit Lake Optimist Triathlon & Walk/Run on Saturday 7/28/12.  I had no clue how long it might take me and was hoping just to finish. I admit the annoying little voice in my head was expressing fear of not being able to complete it, however that little voice is getting quieter.  I decided it's my first 5K and no matter how slow I have to go I was going to finish.

     It was actually a somewhat chilly and overcast morning considering how hot and humid it had been all summer. The sun would peak out from behind the clouds off and on and it was turning into a beautiful and morning. Stacy and I had decided we were just going to walk and maybe closer to the end try to jog some.  Shortly after starting, however I wanted to try to jog when I could throughout the entire race. Even if I only did a few seconds at a time, I just wanted to see how I would do. I went on ahead (although she was never too far behind me) and most of the race I was lost in my own thoughts while on the course. I started reflecting about how far I have come and how good it would feel to walk across that finish line and know that I completed something I never thought I could do. I thought of Toby and my mom, my friends and family and all the people along the way who have been supporting me and how blessed I am to have them in my life.  Without Stacy I never would have had the courage to walk into Anytime Fitness let alone join. It definitely would not have been something I would have done on my own. 

 I thought about my trainer, Kyle who came out to support us on our first 5K. It meant a lot to me that he was there to share our accomplishment with us.  What made the day even better were the runners who had already gotten to the turn around point and were heading back. Several of them would say great job and just cheer you on as they went past. Not too long ago I would have definitely been worried about someone seeing me and wondering why a girl THAT big would even think she could do this. I would have been embarrassed and ashamed.  But the whole time those negative thoughts did not enter my mind once. Hearing others shout out support and the time of reflection made me realize that most people do want to lift others up and offer encouragement and it was such a waste that I spent all those years unable to do that for myself. I've always been able to cheer others on but I never felt worthy enough to be my own cheerleader.  I'm starting to do that now and it's about time!
     After the turn around point and shortly after the second mile I knew I was starting to slow down.  However, I never once doubted that I was going to finish.  I was still jogging a little from time to time just not for long at all.  My foot even went a little numb for a short time period but I wasn't about to stop. Once I started slowing down Stacy easily caught up with me. We started our journeys together in March so I was glad that we were going to finish our first race together as well. As we got closer to the end I did have a little burst of energy and was able to jog the rest of the way.
She finished at 48:37 and my time was 48:39. I'm proud of that time.  I was very surprised however
during the 5K awards when they had called my name for best time in my age group. I hadn't really been paying much attention to the awards because I never thought I could possibly have a shot at a finishing place. At first I even thought I was the only one in my age group but then remembered they had called a couple names before mine for 3rd and 2nd place.  Stacy finished 3rd in her age group so I think we both did great for our first time!   We already have another 5K lined up in 2 weeks for the Mooreland Fair 5K. We might have found us a new hobby. I even asked Kyle if he thought it was realistic for me to even consider trying a half marathon next year.....
   

Third Assessment: 18 weeks into my journey

       Tuesday was my 6 week assessment where I meet with Kyle and we go over my progress. From the very beginning he and I have had many discussions about not weighing myself at all except at those 6 week assessments.   His argument was that the number on the scale should not dictate what I am doing to get healthier.  My argument was that I am a woman and we just have to know if the number is going up or down. I just couldn't bypass the scale at first.  My first 6 weeks I weighed every week.  At my first six week assessment we had the scale "discussion" again (plus a few other times during the six weeks) so I promised I would only weigh myself every 2 weeks. For the most part I complied. Then this past 6 weeks I decided to give it a try. I did not look at a scale at all from 6/12/12 until 7/24/12.  Difficult?? You betcha! I was hoping to have lost 16lbs and kept telling myself it was okay if I didn't reach that number. I was just hoping to be close.  I hadn't lost 16, I had lost 26!!  Talk about a big WOO-HOO moment!  Then to hear him say I had lost 70lbs since March 21 nearly brought me to tears. If I had been weighing myself all along then I wouldn't have had that moment of pure joy.  So goodbye scales!!   I can honestly say I am proud of what I have accomplished and how hard I am working.  I've lost 70lbs and 35.75 inches in a little over 4 months.   I am in this for life and never want to go back to this girl:

January 2012

May 2011: Probably at my heaviest

July 2012

I hated getting my picture taken then and it's still hard for me, but when I compare them I cannot believe the changes.   I am starting to feel so much better about myself. My confidence is building and feel truly happy.   Noticing all these changes in myself from the inside out really motivates me to keep going and makes me want to keep a record of my transformation into the new me. 

WOO-HOO Moments

        When you have over 100 pounds to lose it is easy to feel overwhelmed and wonder if you will ever see the light at the end of the tunnel.   The task of setting a goal weight seems so daunting and to be honest, terrifying.  Can I really stick with what I am doing for however long it is going to take to get the weight off?  Am I strong enough mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually to keep myself motivated on this journey?  When I do reach my goal weight will I be able to maintain a healthy weight and not end up where I was before I started?  Although I don't really know the answers to those questions,  I do have a final weight in mind:  169.  That would be 50% of my starting weight. Now I need to just keep myself motivated to get there. 
        I have this picture as my wallpaper on my computer at work. I see it multiple times every day and it reminds me not only that I am not going to give up but also that I am striving to get my sparkle back. I search for pictures, quotes, scriptures and anything else that inspires me.  I have also been paying more attention to my victories no matter how big or small they may be.  These are my WOO-HOO moments and I keep finding more and more of them.  I think there have always been WOO-HOO moments in my life but I never had the confidence or feelings of self worth to acknowledge what I have accomplished.  I can tell I am making progress in that aspect and am letting my WOO-HOO moments to keep me motivated.   Small things such as being able to sit in a movie theater seat without my hips touching the sides.  Or being able to have my thumb and finger overlap when I put them around my wrist. (Not sure why but I find myself doing this to both arms several times a day). Bigger victories like being able to try on clothes without getting mad or upset in the dressing room because nothing fits. And going from a 15:42 minute mile 3 weeks ago at the beginning of Kyle's Boot Camp to 13:56 minutes at the halfway point.  Perhaps the biggest WOO-HOO moment so far is just starting to feel pride in my progress and wanting to share that with others.

       

I never thought I'd ever want to be a MILF...

 

      (Before you think I've gone completely over the edge, I'm not talking about the American Pie meaning of MILF....)

 

      When I first started working out, Kyle recommended I read Working Out Sucks! by Chuck Runyon who is the CEO and co-founder of Anytime Fitness. The book basically takes every excuse in the world that we use to avoid living a healthier lifestyle and helps you realize that there are a lot of things worse than working out and eating right.  My favorite chapter is, you guessed it, about MILFs.

Mothers

Into

Lifelong

Fitness 

               See it's not as bad as what you might be thinking.  I never in a million years thought I would want to be a MILF. An active lifestyle for me was sitting on the sidelines watching Toby play football or in the bleachers while he's running up and down the court in a basketball game. He's the athlete and I'm the football/basketball mom cheering him on.  My "weekly workout" was watching The Biggest Loser or my  favorite Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition and running to the kitchen on commercials for a bowl of ice cream or a bag of chips.
      The past couple of months, however, I am finding that I want to be able to do more than just watch the action.  I want to keep pushing myself. I still have the little voice in the back of my mind expressing doubts and fears, but I keep going and I know I'm not going to give up.  This morning during Kyle's boot camp was the first time I truly felt super proud of myself and how far I've come physically. I never want to let go of that feeling of accomplishment. When (not if!) I reach my goal weight I'm not going to quit and go back to just being a spectator. I will be a MILF no matter how long it takes me to get there.


           

It started with a little spark.....

        My name is Alicia and I am a 36 year old mother of a 14 year old son, Toby. I have started a new chapter in my life this year and think starting a blog will help me with my journey. I am hoping in the process maybe I can help motivate others to make healthier choices in their lives as well.  I have been overweight my entire life but probably after age 9 I gained more and more weight each year. Through the years I became more and more of an emotional eater and turned to food for comfort when I was upset or down. I rarely have my picture taken and the one below was from a couple of years ago and was one of the rare times I tried to be active. I was close to my heaviest weight in this picture and could barely make it through a softball game without being out of breath and my body hurting.

       Although I have known for a long time I was heading down a very unhealthy road, I still did not do anything about it. It wasn't until several months ago when my friend, Linda, told me I had lost my sparkle that I really started examining my life.  I had given up on happiness, given up on myself. I was accepting it as fact that my life was destined to be morbidly obese, stuck in a marriage where the bad times far outweighed the good and falling further and further into depression. I was going through my day on auto-pilot, just going through the motions. The wall I was putting up around me was killing my sparkle. I must have had enough of a spark inside me though to make me want to fight to find myself again. I promised myself that in 2012 I would get my sparkle back. Although I did close the door on my marriage, so many more doors have been opening for me. The beginning of March at 338 pounds, I conjured up enough courage and joined Anytime Fitness. Then I went a step further and started working with a great trainer, Kyle Watson, twice a week. Since I have started working with him I have lost 44 pounds and 25.5 inches. I also have a great support system, not only at the gym but from my friends and family.  They have been there for me through my divorce and now while I am on this journey. However, I have found that the self doubt and insecurities keep creeping back in no matter how successful I have been.  I started a boot camp last week at the gym but it took me 2-3 weeks to convince myself to go for it. And I have to admit I'm doing relatively well in the class. Not great but I'm keeping up for the most part. Then a new challenge arose.... complete the Mud-Stash 5K/obstacle course in September. Same thing is happening. I keep telling myself " I can't do that", "there's no way I can keep up with everyone else", "I'm not strong enough", "I'm too fat" and so on and so on. Although others assure me I can do it, I still  find myself doubting. Why? I am accomplishing things I never thought I could do before (like in March only being able to do 2 1/2 minutes on the elliptical but as of a couple of weeks ago I can do an hour). My fear is still holding me captive. I have got to figure out how to let go of my fears and stop being so self-conscious. What's the worst that could happen?? I try it and have to skip some obstacles but at least I gave it my all. If I'm too scared to attempt it, how will I ever let myself grow into the person I want to become?