What was I worried about? I was so nervous in the days leading up to Mud-Stash that I was starting to freak myself out a little wondering what in the world had I gotten myself into. I kept reminding myself to go out there and have fun and try my best, but I admit I was a little (ok, a lot) afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it. Once we got to Perfect North Slopes and started getting our costumes on I realized you can't be too freaked out when everyone on your team looks like this:
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| Anytime Fitness New Castle Mud Stash Team |
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| Headed to the starting line |
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| And we are off! |
I didn't realize how much of the 5K would be uphill. Yes, I know we were at ski slopes but I hadn't thought much about that part, which was probably a good thing since I was already nervous enough. There were a lot of obstacles throughout the course and they were definitely challenging--some more so than others. I have to admit though I was shocked at how much I could do, especially the rope ladders and some of the obstacles we had to climb. I never thought I would be able to go up a rope ladder, climb over the log or whatever platform there was and back down the other side. I never would have even attempted it a few months ago. I'd be so concerned about falling or the rope not being able to hold me that I wouldn't want to embarrass myself by trying. But once again I proved to myself that I was stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
Did I fall? A lot! Did I struggle pulling myself up a muddy hill with a rope? Most definitely! Did I need help to keep from falling or getting up after I fell? Yep! Did have an absolute blast? YES!! I found myself looking forward to what the next obstacle would be and couldn't wait to try it. My favorites were probably the water slide and lily pads. The only way I could figure to tackle that one was to lie on my stomach and pull myself from one to the next.
I did every obstacle except for the monkey bars which should have
been a lot sooner in the course. By the time we got to that one I was
worn out! I walked around it but next time I will at least try it.
There was also this big metal barrel to go up and over and I just could
not get my body on it. I almost went around it and said aloud I can't do this
one. I'm learning not to let your trainer hear you say you can't do something because the next thing I know there was this voice telling me I wasn't going around it, I was
going to do it. Thanks Kyle for being that
voice when I'm letting my own voice of doubt get in the way.
The biggest challenge for me at Mud-Stash was one of the last
obstacles. It was basically this huge pit of thick mud that someone
said was like quicksand. I thought it was like being in cement. And I
got stuck like I was in cement. I got maybe halfway through but as
soon as you slow down it gets hard to move through. I was not going
anywhere. I didn't have enough strength left in my arms to pull myself
over to the side or in my legs to even get them underneath me to stand
up. The whole afternoon I had not been self-conscious or embarrassed at
all, except for this one. I know I wasn't the only one who had gotten
stuck, in fact, Dale and Kyle had been helping someone get up and
through the pit right before I was stuck there-- like glue. When I
realized that I was not going to be going anywhere and it was taking not
one, not two but basically four people to help get me out, my
insecurity was starting to surface. I kept thinking about all the
people who were around. This was one of the last obstacles so it was
right in front of the lodge where spectators were watching along with
everyone who was finished already. I felt like I was fighting back tears
because it was taking 4 strong men to get my fat butt up and out of the
mud. I struggled to get those thoughts out of my head. They eventually
got me up standing and moving again. I didn't have much energy left so I
climbed over the side and walked through the much thinner watery side
that was where we had first started rather than finish my way through
the pit.
I imagine insecure moments like that will be something I will struggle with for a long time. It's hard to retrain your brain to not be so hard on yourself, but I'm finding those moments to be fewer and farther apart. I am proud of myself for what I accomplished at Mud-Stash. Others had believed in me that I could do it, I just had to prove it to myself and believe in my own strength. I have no clue how long it took me to finish the course and honestly I don't care. It was so much more than that for me. I let myself just have fun and enjoy life for once. Tackling things I never thought I could do is so empowering. I really think I proved to myself this time that I do have the strength and determination to accomplish whatever challenge or goal I set for myself. Mud-Stash was definitely one of the hardest things I have ever done but it was also one of the best. I can already tell that completing Mud-Stash has given me more confidence. When I was working out with Kyle this evening he had me doing that one arm row thing that scared me to death a few weeks ago, only this time I had to squat down and touch the floor with my other hand then pull myself up. I didn't even think what if I fall nor did I feel any fear. I already know I will not hesitate to sign up for the next Mud-Stash and whatever else challenge finds me. Who knows, maybe next year I will be one of those helping others out of the cement pit of mud.
