What does it mean to be a strong, confident, beautiful and fit woman? I think that is what most of us women who are on this journey to live healthier is searching for, but who is she? What features or characteristics stand out the most? Is she the woman who always has a smile on her face that people are just drawn to or the serious one with the no holds bar kick ass attitude? Is she the one who is spontaneous and fun, lives for the moment and says whatever is on her mind, or the one who can handle pressure with ease and has a plan for any situation? What does she look like? Is she feminine and curvy or lean and muscular? Is she someone who can squat or deadlift as much as the guys or run the fastest mile? Is she physically strong plus has an inner strength that can't be shaken? Is she a combination of all these things?
I'm sure our vision of a beautiful, fit, strong and confident woman is different for each of us and that image will evolve many times as we grow and transform in our own journeys. What I've been wondering a lot lately though is will I ever get there? Will I ever be able to say (and more importantly believe) "Yes, I am strong and confident, I am beautiful. I am in shape and fit." When I first started my journey a year and a half ago my I never imagined my life would transform into what it is now. I've had some incredible highs, reached a lot of milestones and overcome emotional obstacles, but there have also been plenty of bumps in the road along the way. And most of those bumps are the same ones I hit over and over again. I still doubt my self-worth and at times lack confidence. The past couple of months I've really struggled with being able to look in the mirror--at times all I see is a manly ugly beast. I tend to focus on any negative comments (even if it's from one person) and disregard the many positive comments I hear and that is then when the self-doubt sets in. I start asking myself are my muscles nasty and gross even though in my vision of what the strong and confident woman looks like she is muscular and physically strong. So then why do I even question whether I'm too manly looking? Maybe it's just that my vision of beauty and strength is different than someone else's vision.
It's those conflicting feelings though that hold me back from becoming the strong woman I want to be. I let the self-doubt turn into a larger obstacle (more like a huge mountain) and I start feeling weak and questioning everything. I'm not alone in this though. I think there are a lot of women who go through these constant battles within themselves. What I tend to forget is that in fighting these battles we ARE making ourselves stronger and the stronger we become the more we will allow that fit and beautiful woman within us shine.
