I'm not to Onederland yet, but I'm not upset with myself for that. In fact, I'm pretty happy about my 6 week assessment. I lost another 9lbs to bring my total lost to 130lbs and 4 inches for a total of 66 inches. I've lost a 5'6" person at a normal weight. Wow!! I haven't been 205lbs since God knows when and last weekend I bought my first ever size 14 jeans. Even in elementary school I think I went from kids clothes to an 18. I have visible muscles that aren't hidden under fat. I may not be losing double digits at every weigh-in now (the last 3 have been 9-8-9 respectively) but I'm still seeing great results. How can I be upset about not making it under 200lbs? I will get there. It may not have been this time, who knows it may not be within the next 6 weeks but I will reach Onederland. As long as I can keep focused and keep pushing myself in my workouts and controlling my diet I will reach my goals.
That's the challenge I'm facing right now--my diet. I have struggled the past 24 hours with food. I've written before about how I used to binge on food. I haven't gone on an all out binge since I started this journey a year ago. I have splurged and treated myself but hadn't been on an uncontrollable binge like I used to regularly do. I'm binging again--last night and today. I don't understand why because I wasn't feeling upset or down. Nothing happened to make me turn to food for comfort like I had in the past so I cannot blame emotional eating. I know I should write everything down that I have consumed and figure out the calories, but honestly I don't even know how much or what all I did eat. That's the scary thing---I just kept eating. Am I getting so close to a milestone that I'm sabotaging myself? Am I scared to cross that threshold? I quickly lost control and already am feeling like I'm disappointing not only myself but everyone who has believed in me and helped me get to where I am.
